The American Phizziatric Council has announced the discovery of ten new illnesses that have not yet found a home in the D$M Agonostic Codes for Menial Disorders
auto-avoidance syndrome: inability to look at the drivers in other cars.
clifficornia: the compulsive desire to make (usually accurate) predictions of financial crises.
involutional dispersion: spilling the contents of your drink wherever you go.
nil personality disorder: an abiding sense of one’s pervasive mediocrity.
partinoia: the uncontrollable feeling that everyone is out.
ring-cycle episodes: the certainty that your guests will deposit their glasses on your furniture without coasters; also, irrational terror of Wagner.
shāmophrenia: the overwhelming realization that an acquaintance is waving to someone behind you.
subparel fixation: itchiness developing in public under three layers of clothing.
teamania: mass sports idolatry, often leading to color-fetishism, prodigality, intoxication and vehicular paralysis.
ziphoraphobia: the inescapable fear that your zipper is open.