Well You Know, Adam’s First Marriage…

Of course, Adam had a wife for each of the two creation stories in Genesis.  According to Jewish folklore of the 8th–10th centuries A.D, Adam’s first wife was Lilith. She was equal to Adam:  I mean she’d been created at the same time and in the same way and all (Genesis 1:27).  She refused to submit to Adam as her superior (this may have involved a dispute over the missionary position), left Paradise (or was banished), and had a one-nighter with an archangel, Samael (who later found employment as the Angel of Death).  I heard she started living in caves and taking on demonic lovers.  Back in the Garden, God did the equivalent of scratching His head and exclaiming, “What the—?  OK, fine!”  He promptly obliterated creation and rebuilt it, but tweaked His methodology concerning women.  He took out one of Adam’s ribs, twisted it around for a while until he fabricated Eve (Genesis 1:21-23).  God figured He had hooked up Adam with a properly grateful and subservient mate.  But then Eve got herself and Adam evicted.  God was thereafter heard muttering, “Why can’t I get this?” Meanwhile, right after the cherub holding the shish kebab skewer slammed the gate behind them, Adam turned nasty (big freaking surprise!):  “‘Here Adam,’” he mocked her, “‘eat this apple, eat this apple.  Then we’ll be as smart as He is.’ This wouldn’t of happened if me and Lilith—.” Oh, crap!  He saw Eve glaring at him, and shut his mouth—too late, dude!  Even though Eve had to populate the Earth with him, she NEVER let him forget!



About Tom Ukinski

Tom Ukinski is an attorney in state government in the Midwest. He's been writing plays, novels, short stories, comedy sketches and screenplays for many years.
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